My girlfriend and I recently went on a beach trip. While driving we started to discuss dating. We broke down the differences in what we looked for and what was important in college and as teens versus now as adults. Granted, she is married and I’m in a LTR. Nonetheless we acknowledge the rules and cues for dating are totally different after you hit a certain age.
Let’s be frank, nobody fully knew what they were doing in college. lol We were experimenting with the act of dating. I personally made quite a few foolish decisions when it came to my dating life. I distinctly remember telling a guy, I didn’t want to “chill” I wanted to go on dates and enjoy activities. His response to me was, “That is reserved for girlfriends.” I thought I was in another planet.
I thought thats what dating was. Getting to know each other by spending time together. Time outside of the dorm, house, etc. Nonetheless, my man picking skills were trash, but I’ve grown in thought over the years. Now, grown as all get out, I have a different perception on what to look for when dating.
Break it down, B:
Tip # 1 Consider what matters: Think about it. One of the biggest feats of dating is choosing the right person. You gave to vet the picks with certain criteria. Of course, the criteria is based on what matters to you, but consider these.
A. How does he treat you. First and formost I’ve learned that you can really trust the potential picks behavior initially. It’ll take time to understand who a person truly is. Nonetheless, how you are treated is an important question. Is he kind? Is he mean? Is he aggressive? Is he sweet?
B. Common life values and goals. In college we typically aren’t thinking about the long term, or at least, I wasn’t then. Now, however, at this age, considering a potential mate’s long term goals and values are key. If the goal is to build a life together, it is most important you both want the same things out of life and believe in the same ethics, morals, and values. Otherwise, one of you will be miserable because you won’t be getting what you actually want in life due to constantly conceding to your partner’s will.
C. Know your non-negotiable traits and standards. I don’t know what these may be for you. Perhaps you must enjoy time with this partner. Perhaps this potential partner must make you laugh. Perhaps this potential partner should like to cook and clean. I do not know that those non-negotiable things are for you, but be sure to consider what matters in your own lifestyle and think about how a partner could contribute or not contribute to your personal needs and wants.
Tip # 2 Slow Down & Pay Attention. Way back when, we rushed to be in relationships. Getting cuffed was all that matter especially when it got cold. Eager for validation, title, or someone to appease loneliness, we were excited to build relationships without harvesting strong foundations. But, we’re grown now and something has to give. With that, I learned it’s important to slow down the pacing of dating in order to really build the important layers of dating.
A. Trust is built over time. In relationships we ultimately want trust and loyalty. These things are attainable, but they are built over time. You learn to trust someone by monitoring behavior. Pay attention to their actions and habits in an effort to ensure your own security. Pay attention to consistences and inconsistencies of ones behavior in order to develop trust. On the contrary, this does not happen overnight. This process certainly does not happen when we jump into feelings and otherwise too quickly.
Tip # 3 Be True to what you want in this state of your life. Truthfully, everyone does not want long term relationships, marriage, and the whole nine. It’s a new day. However, when dating it’s important to be true to want you do want, so you can conduct yourself accordingly.
A. Maybe you want marriage and family. If that’s your thing, it might benefit you to take your time when building a strong foundation for someone you truly care about. Be honest about that fact and seek the things that make a good marriage and family structure when dating.
B. Maybe you don’t want anything too serious. No problem. Be honest with your suitors, men have feelings too, but also, seek the things that make a good “nothing too serious”.
Most of us are no longer in the frivolous dating era of our lives. We are looking for something substantial and long-lasting. When are goals are grown, our approaches and mindsets must be grown as well.
- Going on adventures and experiencing new activities with a potential partner is good dating.
- Slow and steady wins the race.
- Change is good.
Thanks for reading!
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